What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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