You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
