you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
