Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
