so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
