a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
