Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
