So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
