It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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