Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
