I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
