He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
