No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
