Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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