if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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