I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
