Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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