So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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