I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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