Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
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