Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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