You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
