just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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