I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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