Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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