Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
