I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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