i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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