i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
