She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
