I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize