Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
