yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
