I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
