i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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