you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
