Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
