I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
