I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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