I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
