just come out here and I will go home with you...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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