you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
