So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
