help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
