i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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