The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
