I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
