STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
