someone threw a dead crab at me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
