it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My dick has a subreddit
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize