I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
