You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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