I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
