I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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