shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
