Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
