Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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