Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
