I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
