There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize