What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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