Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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