Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My dick has a subreddit
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
