you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
