i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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