I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
