My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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